This is actually an interesting subject because people have very strong opinions and personal beliefs about the matter, but are very, very reluctant to share these with anyone. Maybe it's out of fear of being seen as a coprophile or something like that, or maybe they're just afraid of touching upon one topic that everybody, everywhere has in common.

I was on a "talker" (Telnet text-based chat program, also known as a MUSH or a MUSE, technically) a long time ago and one of the features of the program was to suggest a topic that everyone could contribute to. You would "set the session" and all interested parties would "comment", and you could type a command to see everyone's responses in a long list. Sometimes the topics were banal, like talking about whatever musical act-du-jour or how one sports team is better than another. There were sessions you could set to purposely inflame and provoke a response, like why women/men are so stupid. I set one where I asked the denizens of the board whether they folded or wadded their toilet paper. The response was startlingly tremendous, and a lot of people learned a lot about each other at that moment. Some people didn't know there was any other way to wipe yourself than how they did it.

The girls thought it was hilarious that guys would take the time to fold their toilet paper, either on the perforated lines or just anywhere at all. Many guys were glad to finally learn why women go through toilet paper like there's no tomorrow, they had no idea that they wadded it up, and absolutely no suspicion of the biological necessity of the procedure. There were, of course, those who were too grossed-out to join in the discussion... that is, to participate meaningfully or positively: they spared no effort in making noise and getting in the way, airing their objections as abundantly as possible.

Me, I fold on the little lines. Three squares if it's thick, strong paper; four squares if it's flimsier. Sometimes I'll double the number if I'm at a public facility and the stuff is thin as onion skin. When it's not perforated, I throw all caution to the wind and just estimate.

• GREEN FOREST - I liked this stuff because it was strong and eco-friendly. Not exactly dainty on your skin, though.
• COTTONELLE - I fucking hate this stuff! There can't be any moisture in the atmosphere at all or it falls apart like spiderwebs! Vitamin E and aloe vera, my ass! ...No pun intended.
• WHITE CLOUD - I think this stuff was really good. I was comparison shopping one time and I think I liked this as a durable, soft product.
• SEVENTH GENERATION - I appreciate that it's eco-friendly/recycled and all that, but this really is flimsy, useless stuff. I go through it faster because it requires more sheets per usage, it's on par with industrial-grade service industry paper.

Also what I like to use are baby wipes, wet-naps, whatever you want to call them. Once you try that, you realize you're not half as clean in your ass crack as you thought you were, and you wonder how many years you've been like that, and you wonder if anyone else has detected a certain vague stench off of you due to it... and you buy them again and again and again. Even when you go out and don't bring them with you, you run the sink in the public bathroom for a while until it's hot, lightly douse a paper towel in water, and it's almost as good. The ass-crack is undeniably and justifiably a source of profound self-consciousness, so attend to it.