I actually have quite a lot to say on the subject, but I'm going to just pen a few thoughts for now and come back to this later.
I'm torn between experimenting sexually with many people and the "choose only a date who would make a good mate" mindsets. The latter doesn't really work because without practical experience you can't know who would make a good spouse. Also, I'm against marriage since I think most people are too stupid and emotionally underdeveloped to get into such a serious institution and begin breeding. Not that marriage has ever been the requirement to start breeding, as any teenager can tell you, but some people see it as license and encouragement to begin spawning as rapidly as possible. They're completely unsuited to be parents, but they're going down a checklist of borrowed, externally-imposed standards for life achievement without even thinking about why they're doing these things. Which is, of course, one of the worst reasons to have a kid, but try telling them that. No one wants to believe they're an idiot, and they like it even less when you can prove it to them. And rather than learn from this experience, they'd rather just let it break them and never do anything again, sink to the pits of dejection instead of working to better themselves...
But I digress. As in all things, if people took the necessary precautions and weren't fucking idiots about the whole process, sexual intercourse could be an intensely enjoyable experience. But you get idiots on both sides who won't use protection because they believe all sorts of bizarre superstitions about how you can and can't get pregnant (ex.: you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex; you can't get pregnant if you have sex standing up; etc.). I myself dislike condoms because they completely negate any tactile experience at all, so that's part of why I prefer masturbation (with or without a partner) to sex. While that decreases the odds of pregnancy and contracting a disease, frequently it's not as exciting as sex can be, though it does offer more possibilities and room to explore. With regular penetration you have an option of two or three orifices to invade; with masturbation you have near-unlimited possibilities for positions and activity. Plus, there's very, very little chance of spawning, which is always a plus. Masturbation by yourself further circumvents all the icky emotional mess that goes along with sex in its experimental stages, as people experimenting with sex aren't likely to openly and honestly address their agendas for doing so. Like my mom always told me, "Men offer love to get sex; women offer sex to get love." Without that basic tenet many people fuck their lives up in hideous disasters. Beyond that, there are all sorts of behavioral and developmental aberrations visited upon us as children that draw dark and twisted associations with the act and function of sex itself, causing us to fulfill or re-enact those horrible circumstances over and over. With the other risks that attend sex, it's a wonder anyone does it at all, except for the fact that people are fucking idiots and refuse to learn from others, thinking they're exceptional, they're specially observed by God and the universe, no rules apply to them, and they're far too clever to fuck up like other people have.
Anyway. For me there are three stages of sex:
Generally I have a stigma against sex since I've fucked up so much in past relationships - okay, only realistically fucked up a couple times, statistically speaking, but the repercussions of those couple of times felt like lifetimes of punishment and torment, to the point where I could be perfectly happy if I never had sex again, and there are tremendous barriers now barring me now from satisfying, fulfilling sex. Agreeing to have sex is like signing up for a weekend in hell, basically. I end up coming away with brand-new revelations in self-hatred and self-loathing, as well as feeling like an incredible disappointment for my partner. I'll probably have to go to counseling at some point. But long ago, in a distant lifetime far, far away, sex was fun and violent and liberating. I guess that's something to masturbate to.
And people will laugh at the mention of masturbation, like you're only worth something if you can stick your piss-nozzle up someone's discharge valve, and the more frequently you bump uglies the more of a person you are. That's insane, and you could perhaps persuade individuals to agree that it's insane, but ultimately everybody believes it and reinforces it. However, in the dichotomy of pursuing sex vs. staying home to masturbate, I think that downloading some bizarre-ass porn AVIs or MPEGs, setting "Number One Crush" to play, and stretching out with a roll of paper towels is considerably preferrable to selling yourself short by hitting the sports bars and clubs, depleting your self-esteem with repeated rejections through the course of a night, and finally intermingling your emotional hang-ups and baggage with those of your partner, not unlike the biological fluids you two will exchange. And again, no babies will come from you jacking off into a couple squares of Viva while Latina Spice from the VIP Lounge throbs and jiggles on your monitor. And yeah, there's a little self-loathing that comes from masturbation, and some people may feel a little alone after orgasming without a partner, but once you learn to really like yourself you take a little pride in becoming a self-sufficient organism that can provide nutrition, shelter, gainful employ, and pleasure for yourself. And once you like yourself better, you become (paradoxically) better suited for a relationship with someone else. Will masturbation lead to greater self-esteem? I'm not claiming that, but if you're too ashamed to touch yourself, how can you let someone you respect service you there? How can you have any kind of good sex at all if you're alienated from yourself and how to elicit pleasure from yourself? These are also benefits of masturbation; these can also be explored with an exceptionally adventuresome, patient, and good-humored partner... but hell, if that's your standard, you might as well look for brains, beauty, and youth in one package! AH HA HA HA HA HA HAH HA-A-A-A!! [dies]
Also, I never make any important decisions concerning other people without either masturbating or getting a full night's sleep first, to clear my head and balance out my emotions (see also sleep).
