It's been pointed out to me that when I say "hippies", as in "goddamn stupid hippies", I actually mean "neo-hippies". I have considerable respect for the original movement of revolutionary music and drug culture that breached the imperious barriers of conservative society. However, people who still live in that era or attempt to recreate it today are fucking idiots.

And I have to allow that in the latter-day there are two groups of cool hippies: the folks that created Sesame Street, and the folks that created Schoolhouse Rock. I'm all about accessible education.

After that, though, today's hippies are ineffectual lazy-asses who miss the point. Too lazy to pursue proper and legal procedures to register a protest or rally support, they'd rather get high and hold a drum jam in someone's yard and tell themselves that'll somehow change the world. A hippie like that is generally rife with hypocrisy and it only takes a moment to spot it, if you feel like studying a stupid dirty hippie that long. I suggest kicking it in the teeth.

• People who harbor ecological concerns are not necessarily hippies: ecoterrorists are frequently very hot, like how hackers or carjackers are portrayed in the movies. You know it's true.
• People who advocate peace are not necessarily hippies: I'm in favor of getting assholes to calm down on the highway or in the government, just generally stop being shitty to each other.
• Vegetarians are not necessarily hippies: this is a hard truth I've been forced to concede. A couple of my closest friends are vegetarians and "hippie" doesn't apply to them. People can give up meat due to ethical or medical reasons, or simply personal choice. I even tried giving up meat for a month, just to see if I could, and when the month was up my cravings for it had not abated; to my dismay, however, eating meat turned me quite ill. But I stuck with it and now I can skeletonize a 20oz. steak or a plate of ribs like nobody's business.