Phil and Dave were coworkers in an office who got along moderately well, and one of the things they had in common was camping. They decided to take a week off for a camping trip and enjoy themselves, but within two days they were ready to kill each other.

Phil came up with an idea: "Dave, how about we strike out on our own tomorrow? Just spend all day apart, clear our heads, see if we can't salvage what's supposed to be a relaxing week of enjoying nature. What do you say?"

Dave nodded. "Dat, uh, sounds like a good deal, dere, den." (Note: when reciting, Dave should be spoken in a thick, exaggerated Minnesotan accent, as per the Coen Bros.' Fargo.)

So, early Weds. morning, Phil and Dave woke up and made themselves breakfast. They grumbled at each other as they fried up eggs and beans, boiled some coffee, and set out with all vigor and zeal upon their separate paths: Phil heading north, and Dave trekking south.

The entire day passed and eventually the happy campers wound their way back to the campsite. Each bore huge, shit-eating grins on their faces, their eyes sparkling, and they cooked themselves dinner in silence as they assimilated their remarkable, unique experiences. Eventually, over sausage and biscuits, Phil started off the conversation.

"Dave," he said grandly, "let me tell you about my day. As you know, I set off on the north deer trail and was very pleased to note a number of beautiful flowers - trilliums, foxglove, forget-me-nots - really taking in the quaint foliage, when suddenly the forest opened up into a huge canvas of rolling jade hills." Spreading his arms wide and gesturing, he went on: "All around, rich, verdant forests fringed the foothills of distant purple mountain majesties! The sky was the bluest azure, and I spotted two eagles circling overhead! Wending its way through the valley was a crystal-clear stream, and as I approached two whitetail deer skittered off into the woods. I tasted the water," his face beamed with exultation, "and it was the sweetest I'd ever had in my life. I stripped down to bathe and, my God, I've never felt so cleansed, so refreshed! At length, I got dressed, wandered blissfully through the woods as I gathered some nuts, herbs, berries and roots, making a tidy little trail mix for myself before finally stumbling back into camp." He slapped his knees and grinned at his coworker. "So, Dave," he said, condescendingly, "how was your day?"

Dave thought about it and rubbed his chin, and spoke slowly. "Wa-a-a-al, as you know, I went down dat dere sout' deer trail an' followed dat for a piece... den I found da highway, so I followed dat for a piece... den I found some railroad tracks, so I followed dat for a piece... den I found dis beautiful woman, tied to da tracks."

Phil shook himself out of his reverie. "You... what? You found a woman?"

"Oh, ya," Dave nodded, "dere was dis beautiful naked woman jes' tied up to da tracks, so I carefully untied her an' gently lifted her away from da tracks an' laid her down in da bushes, an' we made love."

Phil's jaw dropped. "You made love with her? Right there?"

"Oh, you betcha. We jes' started havin' at it right den an' dere, jes' rollin' around in da bushes, you know. Doin' it in all sorts of positions, tryin' all sorts of tings, stuff like dat... anyway, I had ta pull myself off her before I wouldn'ta been able to walk back to camp, an' so here I am." His expression was utterly bland as he sopped his biscuits around in the sausage grease, finishing it.

Phil was just flabberghasted. "I... I hardly know what to say, Dave. Jeez, I thought I had a good day, but you... Wow, man, sounds like you had a once-in-a-lifetime experience." Dave agreed that it was a good deal, dere, den. "So, uh, did she give a good blowjob?" Phil asked.

Dave rubbed his chin and thought for a moment, finally answering, "Oh, no, no: I couldn't find her head anywhere."